Domestic Violence: The Truth Behind the Crime

Domestic Violence, The truth behind the crime.

 

Have you ever heard a friend or family member say that their significant other became physical with them )e.g.,  hit them, was verbally abusive, etc.)?  Did you have a problem trying to figure out how to help this special someone in your life and not knowing how to.  This is an issue that has come to light in recent months in the Alverno community with losing an Alumnae/ teacher to domestic violence. 

http://fox6now.com/2016/02/04/latest-jose-gonzalez-ramirez-charged-in-connection-with-murder-of-his-wife-ilona/

What many of my friends at Alverno were unaware of that I was in a domestic violence relationship that just about took my life.  What I found after the fact from the friends and family who did know, was a lot of them did not know how to help me.

According to Womenshealth.gov (health, 2015) some of the things as a friend or family member of someone who is being abused you could:

·         Set up a time to meet in private and let the person know that you are concerned for their safety and be honest about why you have this fear.  Acknowledge that you understand they are in a tough situation. (The National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.)

·         Offer specific help to the person.  This could be providing child care, helping him/her get stuff in order to get out of the relationship, offering to listen without judgement and provide transportation

·         Make sure he/she has a safety plan

·         Encourage your friend/Family member to go talk to someone who deals with domestic abuse.  In the Milwaukee area there is Sojourner Family Peace Center.

·         Remember you cannot “rescue” this person, but being there for this person can be what the person needs at that time.

Statistics

·         Three out of ten women and one out of ten men in the United States experiences violence at the hands of an intimate partner.(Wilson, Fauci, & Goodman, 2015)

·         Most survivors who do get to a domestic violence shelters have endure psychological, sexual, and/or physical abuse. (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·          Many survivors are daunted with the task of finding out who they are again due to the powerlessness they experienced while in the relationship (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·         Every 9 seconds a women is beaten or assaulted in the United States (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·         Each year over 10 million men and women are physically abused by an intimate partner (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·         1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe intimate partner violence.

·         The presence of a gun in a domestic violence relationship increase the chance of homicide by 500% (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·         19% of domestic violence involves a weapon (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

·         In the state of Wisconsin in 2013, 55 victims of domestic violence were killed. (National Coalition against domestic violence, 2015)

 

 

This short video is so true of many relationships (including mine), but for most it is not this easy to leave and on average a women will leave and return to her abuser 7 times ( I returned 5 times, the 6th I left for good)  before she leaves for good.

 

 

Why do women and men stay in these relationships?  There are many reason that people may stay:  they have been cut off from family and friends by their abuser for so long they do not think that they will have the support, financially, for the kids,

·         they have been cut off from family and friends by their abuser for so long they do not think that they will have the support,

·          financially- a lot of the times the abuser makes the victim stop working so she does not have the financial means to get out

·         Safety concerns for the kids and herself.  Many abusers will threaten to do harm to family members if the victim leaves

·         Conflicting emotions- the victim may hold on to the belief that the abuser will change, there may be some loving times in the relationship that helps the victim hold out hope and the abuser may apologize.

References:

health, O. o. (2015, 09 15). Womenshealth.gov. Retrieved from http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.html

National Coalition against domestic violence. (2015).

The National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/

Wilson, J. M., Fauci, J. E., & Goodman, L. A. (2015, November). Bringing Trauma- Informed practice to domestic violence programs: A qualitative analysis of current approaches. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 586-599.